The Biggest Lie I Ever Bought
Some days I look in the mirror and wonder when I will “arrive”. After all, I have this booming resolve on the inside of me that knows I am meant to be significant. I know, without a doubt, that God created me for something and something big. This inkling, this heartbeat has been in me since the day I was born. What this calling is? I have no clue at times. I mean, how can I even begin to figure out how God wants to use me?
You would know what I mean if you'd look at my life about 7 years ago: you would see a Martay who couldn’t sing on pitch (hardly ever), definitely couldn’t play any instruments (besides the Clarinet of course!), and had nothing but an overwhelming desire to be a singer. People would absolutely laugh in my face when I’d tell them my God-given dream of doing music full-time. Would God use me in this capacity? Nobody but me at times thought so.
Fast forward to today, I’m doing what hardly anyone could ever imagine and it is awesome. I’m a singer-songwriter that is traveling the world reaching people. CRAZY! But hear me– something inside of me knows that I have not arrived.
This doesn’t mean I’m not thankful, because I am. I just know that I have yet to walk in the ministry/calling/destination that God has created for me to end up in. This is hard to explain because I believe that God has mapped out my path, my life, my greatest moments… I do. I’m not saying that I wasn’t ever meant to do what I’ve done before today. I believe that every ounce of what I’ve done has glorified God and absolutely prepared me for what’s to come. I’m just saying that I haven’t reached the peak of my existence; I have a deep knowing that there is so much more for me to walk in.
What I didn’t know in all this knowing is that I had bought a lie along the way. A really big lie.
Just when I thought I was really getting somewhere, God reveals to me that I’m in chains. Chains that the devil has thrown on me and I gleefully accepted to wear them. I had begun to believe that I lacked significance because I had not “arrived” (like others around me) to the peak of my existence.
The devil had me fooled into believing that I wasn’t as important to God because I wasn’t highly esteemed like a Kari Jobe or functioning like a Taya Smith from Hillsong United. I wasn’t selling out concerts of 50,000 people every night. My YouTube videos were not of the highest caliber. I mean, he had me thinking at times that I was being held out on. And you know what? It started to affect my walk with God.
All of a sudden, I had just a slight bitterness lurking around in my heart. A slight bitterness that made me sneer at that friend on Facebook that posts nothing but scripture. A slight bitterness that made me not want to listen to “Christian” music. A slight bitterness that had me 99.99% committed to God, which is not what God requires. He wants it all.
Nowhere along this unknown journey of bitterness, did I decide I loved God any less though. In fact, I loved him more and more as He continued to reveal himself to me. I mean, I loved and still love God! So much! I just… couldn’t see that I was hurt. Hurt not by God holding out on me, but by a lie the devil was selling that said God didn’t see me as important as others, that God didn’t truly love me.
I have come to realize that bitterness always stems from a root of hurt. Once I figured out my root of hurt, I found myself so excited to be free and even more madly in love with God! I was free to be me! The “me” that God created to fly and fly high! And now I realize and walk in (more than ever) the fact that God has deemed me royalty. He has given me high stature and powerful significance from birth. With or without a huge ministry, platinum album, or major Instagram following I am of the HIGHEST importance to God. And so are you. If not, then all our Christian banter about John 3:16 is so fake and a big hoop-lah!
I say all this to ask: what is holding you back and unknowingly making you slightly bitter? No boyfriend? No high-powered career? A bad relationship with your spouse? Unfulfilled dreams? Lack of money? Lack of strength? Feeling ugly? What is it that you are hurt by? Don’t be afraid to discover the root of why you’re bitter because I guarantee that at the root of all your hurt is where the devil is actively trying to sell you the lie that “God is holding out on you. You’re not significant.”
I could seriously kick him (the devil) in the face and light him on fire! (Thank you Lord that you’re going to do that for us and I can take a front seat to the beating—sorry if I sound angry, but it is what it is). The devil is an active liar, cheater and thief. I’ve seen him do it to so many of us and by recognizing this lie he's selling we can begin to put an end to it.
What is he stealing from you? Well let me tell you—He is selling this lie because he knows that if he can steal our focus off of God that we will hold ourselves back from arriving, from walking in a life full of joy, peace, and fulfillment that God has intended for us to walk in way before we even existed. Notice, though, that I did not say that the devil would hold us back from arriving. I said, so that we would hold ourselves back from arriving. You and I hold the power to constantly come to God for the strength we need to walk out the fantastic life he has planned. Stop buying the lie.
xOxO - Martay