I used to be the type of person that hardly cared about the opposite sex. There was nothing wrong with me, I was just so focused on achieving dreams and other stuff that I would always tell myself that I’d “worry about all that later”.
Now, I’m in my late 20’s and find myself hanging out with friends that are married or friends that talk about getting married. At first I was like — “Someone help me”, but after a while, I’m beginning to enjoy the conversation.
It’s interesting to be on the inside of a social circle where people are not only figuring life out in the realm of “dating”/ “courting”/ “whatever-you-call-it-these-days”, but growing wiser as they do it! It’s cool.
I really enjoy it and to be honest it’s been challenging me.
One conversation that happened with myself and some friends recently ended up taking us down a road that was more interesting than usual.
We began talking about relationships and how we’ve come to find that a lot of guys want to have access to girls, but truly aren’t serious about committing to them… so they put these girls in this weird, in-between phase — not friends, but not exclusively committed.
Thinking about the girls I know in relationships like this breaks my heart.
Almost every girl or woman desires to be loved fully and a big part of many of us feeling loved is knowing that someone is fully committed to us, just like we’re committed to them.
It’s hard to admit (because some people see it as “being weak”), but it’s true and I’m willing to fess up to it.
So, while chatting with my friends, a question raised within me — How does one know if a guy is serious about committing to them?
I had no idea how to answer this question. I’m not a guy.
So…. for this one, I enlisted some inside sources: my very own male friends, male family and male confidants that I trust.
No better way, right?
I went straight to the source — guys, themselves.
I wanted to know where I was missing it.
What was I not getting? In the past, I’d have a cool guy pursue me… we would seemingly have a great thing going for a few weeks, eventually his communication would taper off, and then the whole thing would somewhat crash and burn… or better yet, just disappear into thin air like a vapor.
From talking to quite a bit of my guy friends (Godly men who I consider brothers) and my dad, I came to realize that many of these guys thought I was great, but had no intention of taking me serious… you know, seriously committing to me.
How did they know?
Well, they pointed out some key signs to me that they say are typically indicators that a guy is just “not that into” a woman… no matter how sweet his talk is.
For all my single ladies, this is for you. I’m so tired of seeing my girl friends' and sisters' hearts broken and drug through much pain over simply not knowing.
This is to set you free and give you understanding that if a guy is constantly dropping some of these signs, he’s not interested in having a serious, committed relationship with you.
You know, a relationship that could and would end in marriage.
So, without further ado: here are 10 signs that show he’s “not that into” you —
*note: these signs are not full-proof indicators that a guy is not interested in committing. I’m human and could NEVER make a full-proof list that is 100% right for every single relationship being analyzed. These are simply meant to enlighten us and give us some pause if we are in unhealthy relationships.
(1) He takes MORE than a whole day to reply
As one of my brothers once said, “Nobody is too busy to reply to someone they like or see as a special person or priority in their life… it’s not that hard to send a quick text saying that they’re busy and will get back to you later.”
Now, let’s not get this confused with thinking that we should expect to become priorities overnight in others people lives, BUT what I truly believe is this — when someone sees themselves building a serious, full-hearted relationship with you, they’ll give you a serious, full-hearted effort.
I’ve seen too many women waiting 2 to 3 … to 7 days for a man to reply to them.
No, No, No, No.
When someone is serious about you, that person won’t treat your messages flippantly and they won’t keep you waiting way longer than you should for replies.
*Now, ladies, let’s not be unreasonable. There’s always a situation or two that defies this sign, BUT if this is a consistent, recurring thing that you encounter — you may want to rethink your relationship.
(2) He spends more time liking your photos on Instagram than communicating with you
I hate this one, but it happens more than many realize. In fact, I’ve seen it happen to me and others of my friends. At first it highly confused me, but after much talking with my friends, I’ve come to find that it shows that the guy is enthralled with the “idea” of you, but not in any place to be in relationship with the real you.
The motivation behind this can be a number of things: maybe he’s immature, maybe he’s a player, maybe he’s scared… whatever he is, he’s not serious about committing to you.
And quite frankly, you don’t need someone in your life who wants to play mind games with you via social media.
(3) He wants private privilege, but doesn’t give you public praise
I stole this one from my pastor. He’s currently leading my church through a cool series through the book called “Song of Solomon”. It’s all about the opposite sex and we’re created to operate in romantic relationships.
In one of his talks he articulated this sign so clearly: ladies — if a man is not willing to take you out in public and tell people he’s with you, he doesn’t respect you properly and doesn’t deserve access to your full-range of emotions or body.
A man that is ready to step-up and take a woman seriously, will tell the people he does life with all about her. He has no shame and doesn’t drag his feet. It’s that simple.
(4) He leaves you emotionally hanging and keeps his emotions to himself
When someone is serious about you as a person, whether a romantic interest or just a friend, they typically take the time to hear you out and respond to you. This is how true love and respect operate.
This is also what makes relationships work well.
Anyone that leaves you emotionally hanging and neglects to respond to you when you share what’s on your mind or heart, is either not intending to fully commit to you while in a relationship or is simply not a healthy person to be around. Be careful.
(5) His favorite line to you is “I’ve been busy”
When someone really likes you and sees you as an important part of their life, they are never too busy to call back, plan a time to hang out, or make time for you.
There may be an exception to this rule (perhaps someone has a traveling job or has to attend to a necessary matter), but most often people make time for what and who is important to them.
If you really think about it, we live in a world where most everyone is “busy”. But, if you think about your own life, you most likely make time for things and people that are important to you.
I surely do and so do all of my guy friends.
(6) You put more effort in than he does
If this is you — run!
I know that’s a bit dramatic, but relationship are give and take… long-lasting ones are an even bigger amount of give and take.
If a guy likes you, he will put in just as much effort into communication, hanging out, doing whatever… Now, communicating is not every guy’s strength, but let’s be real: neither is it every girl’s.
But where I’m going with this is — it’s important to realize that if a guy is really into you, he will try.
(7) YOU’RE ALWAYS WONDERING
“Am I wrong?”
“Was that text too much?”
“Does he really like me?”
“Does he care?”
“Does he like her more?”
“Did I scare him with that last text I sent”
If you have to ask, he probably doesn’t like you and have serious intentions to date you. A guy that is serious about taking things to the next level will let you know.
(8) You’re constantly making excuses for him
I find way too many ladies and women making excuses for guys who are not treating them with respect… or guys who are treating them as an after-thought.
They put up with half-hearted effort, as well as second-rate communication, and simply think that they’re not playing “the game” right.
Refuse to play the game. The game is stupid.
Ask some girl friends and guy friends to be honest with you if you’re ever making excuses for someone who is just not that serious about you… or not nearly as serious about you as you are about them.
This helps me tremendously.
(9) He said it, himself - “I’m not interested in a relationship”
While I was growing up, my mom would always say - when someone says or shows you something about themselves, BELIEVE IT.
A lot of my girl friends have been told by a guy who is not serious about them that he’s not serious about them… they don’t believe him and end up jumping into an unhealthy relationship with a guy who only wants private privilege (whether physical or emotional)… months go by with these unhealthy relationships in motion, and my heart breaks watching because I see how detrimental it is to my friends and how much it crushes them… even though they think they can change the guy.
I’ve seen it happen time and time again. It could have been different and heart damage could have been spared, but my friends didn’t believe these guys.
(10) You are always first — text, phone, snap, etc.
If this is true — STOP.
Relationships are a two-way street. He should call… you should call. He should pay… you should pay. He should text… you should text. Not necessarily in that order, but when someone is serious about you, they don’t have a problem with putting in effort, picking up the tab here and there or going “halfers” on dinner.
There you have them: 10 signs that a guy is not that into you. If you’re single and awake to desire to share your life with someone awesome of the opposite sex one day, I pray that these signs will help you avoid wasting your time and the heart break that often comes from being unable to discern whether a guy is playing games or not.
At the end of the day, I encourage you to trust in God and allow His spirit to lead you in all your relationships. “He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it.” (1 Thess 5:24).
As always, I love hearing from you guys. Please leave a comment below!
xO - Martay